Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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