I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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