Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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