she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
