I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
