so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
