I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
This is the high leading the old right now
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
