cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
