My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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