Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
vagina is talking i cant
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
