im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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