i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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