There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Your cock deserves a montage
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
