Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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