Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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