Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize