i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
