I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
