Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
