Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
50% drunk capacity currently
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Still dying that you shit outside
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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