I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The convent might be a nice break from real life
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize