Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
