my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
