the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
