ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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