Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
