Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
