Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize