so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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