my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
