Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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