Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
