:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
