dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
And my parents said I crawled through the house
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
