He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
