I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize