I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
