i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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