so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize