watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
