She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
you inspire me to be a worse person
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
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