just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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