My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
