his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
