Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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