She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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