I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
