the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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