Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
