for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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