Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
