Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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