Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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