So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
