He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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