Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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