can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Are we still banned from the library?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
