Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
