Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
