Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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