i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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