Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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