Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
