We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
