I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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