I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
