I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
