totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
