Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
