What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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