dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
