you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
