My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
