Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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