Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
