I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize