Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
