Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
