He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
