It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
