I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize