I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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