dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
