Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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