I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
