walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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