return my video game
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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