i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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