It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize