U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
