Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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