Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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