Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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