You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
