Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
