why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
It's just like the Real World with babies
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
