So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
