Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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