She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
