A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
