Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize