So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
