i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
should my penis look like a turkey
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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