umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
we're so committed to being not committed
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
