"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
