I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just invented taco cereal.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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