god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
