i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
